a letter to myself the night before move in

Hey.

I know you’re nervous right now. You feel sick, you feel like you’ve made the wrong choice and you’d rather stay at work and not go to college. At least not now. You're scared to make your own friends, scared of failing, scared of being disliked and alone and terrified.

But girl, I have to tell you: you're going into the best year of your life. I promise.

There are going to be ups and downs. Crazy high highs and crazy low lows. You're gonna cry like you haven’t in years. You're gonna laugh so hard you can’t breathe. Both are a part of life, I promise you.

You're going to grow. Not physically, of course. You're stuck at the same height. But spiritually, mentally, you have a growth spurt. You learn to trust. You learn to put stuff in God’s hands and realize that you can’t do anything about it.

You make friends! You have a friend group and you love them and somehow, they love you. I know you doubt that you’ll ever be able to make your own friends and you're scared that it won’t be the same as high school. It won’t be. But different is not bad, and you love your new chosen family and will stand by them, even when they’re blackout or need some serious sense talked into them.

And you know how I said high highs and low lows? They come from the same person. That’s right, a boy. One likes you. Liked. Maybe. It’s still confusing, months later. That blond from the other side of the common room? Nosebleed boy? Yeah. And guess what? You have your first real kiss. That’s a high. Of course, it doesn’t work and the lows are pretty bad. But the highs are worth it and you learn to not keep regrets. He is a part of your story now, on your frequently contacted list, and a source of happy and painful memories.

And school itself? Great. Guess what? 4.0. Both semesters. Barely missed a class (only for Ian/court stuff) Oh yeah, that’s right, y’all go to court. It’s wild. You don’t get cast in the spring show, but that’s okay because it gets cancelled anyway. But girl you did it, Mamma Mia is the fall 2020 show and you got Rosie!

You doubt, a lot. You constantly wonder if you’re in the right place, if God has something else for you, if you can’t understand what He’s trying to tell you. But the little signs seem to be there, so you keep blindly following and hoping for the best.

So I know it’s scary. But something I've learned during freshman year is that you can’t let the fear of the unknown outweigh your excitement for it. You never thought you’d get this far, but look at you.

Some things to keep in mind:

• ·         Learn how to say no
• ·         Try to spread light and truth
• ·         Drinking isn’t that scary
• ·         There are people who will love you and your stupid jokes and antics
• ·         You do have talent. You belong
• ·         Learn from the past, don’t regret it
• ·         Let yourself cry

I am proud of you. Take your fear and let it grow you. In less than 24 hours you begin to meet your chosen family and you start the rest of your life. So try to get some sleep. God’s got you, He always has. And trust me, He’s still got you in the darkness when you’re sobbing. He’s got you when you’re scared of leaving your comfort zone. He’s got you when you're unbelievably happy. You’re gonna look back and see how He held your hand through all of it. He doesn’t let go, ever.

So go to bed, and get ready to start your life. It’s so much better than you could ever imagine.

Love,

Future you