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a letter to myself the night before move in

Hey. I know you’re nervous right now. You feel sick, you feel like you’ve made the wrong choice and you’d rather stay at work and not go to college. At least not now. You're scared to make your own friends, scared of failing, scared of being disliked and alone and terrified. But girl, I have to tell you: you're going into the best year of your life. I promise. There are going to be ups and downs. Crazy high highs and crazy low lows. You're gonna cry like you haven’t in years. You're gonna laugh so hard you can’t breathe. Both are a part of life, I promise you. You're going to grow. Not physically, of course. You're stuck at the same height. But spiritually, mentally, you have a growth spurt. You learn to trust. You learn to put stuff in God’s hands and realize that you can’t do anything about it. You make friends! You have a friend group and you love them and somehow, they love you. I know you doubt that you’ll ever be able to make your own friends and...
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goodbye?

I guess this is a goodbye. Not completely, although I don’t know where we stand right now. But a goodbye to the person you used to be, the person I first fell for, the person who seems to be gone. I wanted it to be you so badly. I wanted you to be my one hit wonder—my first and my last. I should have known that it wasn’t going to work. I think I did, in a lot of ways. But I was so desperate to feel things that I plunged ahead without thinking. I still don’t regret it. I had you for a bit. I know now that I deserve better than the person you are right now. I'm not going to call you a man, because it’s my understanding that a man wouldn’t act the way you have. I deserve a man who looks at the world the same way I do. One who looks at everything about me—flaws, laughter, jokes, mess-ups, morning breath, flat eyelashes—and still thinks I'm the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. I deserve a man who points me to God, one who I can grow and pray with. A man who will choose me ag...
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